Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Storyline

Optimizing Hit Songs

Hancock Records invents Mega-Tune, which cuts any song to one note and one word so the label can stop paying songwriters.

31 stripsFrom the beginning Most popular

#312. Writing new one-note songs

November 19, 2009

MEGA-TUNE: Motherlover.
KURT: Und dat's the Mega-Tune version of "Ave Maria".

BART: The great thing about Mega-Tune is once consumers are trained to like it, we can stop using existing stuff and just create new one-note songs.

BART: Kurt, sing him the gem you wrote this morning.
KURT: OATMEAL!

KURT: I mean, you know, I'm still playing vit it.
JOEL: Haunting.
BART: Ooo. I like that. Did you just write that, Joel?

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#313. The Holy Grail

November 20, 2009

KURT: GRAPEFRUIT! PHOSPHORESCENCE! CARDIGAN! There. I just wrote three new one-note songs.
BART: This is the life, eh Joel?

BART: We've found the HOLY GRAIL...

BART: We figured out how the music industry can make MONEY again...

BART: All we had to do was remove the MUSICIANS.

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#314. Kevin drops in to Hancock

November 23, 2009

BART: KEVIN! How's my favorite pop star doing?
KEVIN: I'LL tell you how I'm doing, Bart.... I'm getting SCREWED by this MEGA-TUNE catshit.

KEVIN: And since it is YOUR fault, I'm now going to slow roast YOUR dick, poach YOUR nuts, and serve it to YOU with a fucking chorizo polenta on the SIDE!!

KEVIN: THAT'S how I'm DOING!!

BART: And how's Linda?
KEVIN: LINDA IS FINE!!

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#315. Returning the favor

November 25, 2009

KEVIN: I'm here to return the favor and screw YOU, Bart. Listen to our hit song, "Spiral Away"...
MUSIC: Spiral awaaaaaaaay, I lost myself, I fell until I couldn't fall...

KEVIN: And listen to our first album, Mega-Tuned to one note per song...
MEGA-TUNE: Spiral. Away. I. Lost. Myself. I. Fell. Until. I. Couldn't. Fall.

BART: They... sound the SAME.
KEVIN: YEAH... That's RIGHT...

KEVIN: MY MUSIC IS DERIVATIVE OF ITSELF!!
BART: Holy GOATS...

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#316. How’d you do it?

November 27, 2009

JOEL: SO his albums, Mega-Tuned to one note per track, recreate his biggest hit song. ...SO WHAT?
BART: SO he still retains copyright on the Mega-Tune version.

KEVIN: So YOU still owe me my royalties.
BART: Meaning Mega-Tune... is USELESS. Jumpstart Malady songs were the only way we'd've made any real money.

BART: How'd you DO it, Kevin? How'd you make music so sonically BORING that it simplifies recursively into itself? How'd you write pop songs that PERFECTLY?

KEVIN: By ACCIDENT!!!
BART: Inadvertently brilliant... Yes, that IS your M.O.

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