Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Storyline

Optimizing Hit Songs

Hancock Records invents Mega-Tune, which cuts any song to one note and one word so the label can stop paying songwriters.

31 stripsFrom the beginning Most popular

#302. Sixth sense for pop

November 2, 2009

JOEL: His sense of pop music is unCANNY. When asked to list songs he liked, he recited Clear Channel's ENTIRE Adult Album Alternative playlist.

JOEL: We ask him his favorite song every five minutes, and he's somehow able to always list the current top single on iTunes at that EXACT moment.

TESTER: What about now?
GREG: "Fireflies" by Owl City... no, wait, NO... actually it's "Replay" by Iyaz.

BART: FAScinating...
GREG: Wait, NOW it's the Glee cast version of "Alone". NO... "Take a Bow"! NO!! "ALONE"!!!

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#303. Megatuning “Viva La Vida”

November 3, 2009

TESTER: Greg, we're going to play two versions of a song, and we want to know which one you like better, OK?
GREG: OK.

COLDPLAY: For some reason I can't explain, I know Saint Peter will call my name, Never an honest word, but that was when I ruled the world

MEGA-TUNE: Overwrought.

GREG: Hmm. The second one was definitely... SHORTER...
BART: Write down that subject finds Mega-Tuned version is "PEPPY" and "FUN".

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#304. Consumers don’t like decisions

November 4, 2009

TESTER: So which version of the song do you like more?
GREG: I DUNNO...

BART: Consumers don't LIKE decisions, Joel. They want us to TELL them what's right. THEY NEED US.
JOEL: You talk like they're HELPLESS. They aren't scared little CHILDREN, sir.

GREG: Um... I... I have to go potty.

BART: AREN'T they, Joel? AREN'T they?
TESTER: Sir, put that DOWN. Sir... SIR, get that OUT of your mouth! Drop it... DROP it!

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#305. Decision time

November 9, 2009

MEGA-TUNE: Sociopath. Sociopath. Sociopath.
TESTER: ...and that, of course, was a Rivers Cuomo medley.

TESTER: DECISION TIME! Do you like the regular songs, or the one-note Mega-Tuned versions?
GREG: Um, the short ones are... CATCHY, but the regular ones have, you know, MELODIES.

TESTER: I need an answer, Greg! Now now NOW!
GREG: AUGH! I- uh- t-the Mega-Tuned ones!!?!

TESTER: Oh good, we hoped you'd say that...
GREG: Oh thank GOD...

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#306. The value-add of Mega-Tune

November 11, 2009

MEGA-TUNE: Monogamy.
GREG: That's... "Single Ladies"?
GREG: Yes! GOOD!

GREG: I love these one-note songs. I mean... I don't actually LIKE most songs I'm supposed to like. But this way, they're... TOLERABLE.

GREG: So... THANK YOU.

GREG: You've made my mindless devotion to pop SO easier to stomach.
GREG: Oh, tt is our PLEASURE, sir!

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