Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Storyline

Optimizing Hit Songs

Hancock Records invents Mega-Tune, which cuts any song to one note and one word so the label can stop paying songwriters.

31 stripsFrom the beginning Most popular

#307. Barry and Mega-Tune

November 12, 2009

BARRY: Attention listeners: this radio station will now only play simplified, one-note versions of songs created through a horrifying process called "MEGA-TUNE".

BARRY: You'll grumble, but then submit. As you have to every atrocity during what has become a 40-year march toward the complete homogenization of rock.

BARRY: So... after the break, I'll play all of John Mellancamp's "American Fool", but you'll just hear nine single notes matched with nine semi-patriotic grunts.

BARRY: It's gonna suck, but you deserve it. And I'm BARRY, the HONEST DJ. Back after this...
BRETT: Barry speaks the truth and it hurts so good.

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#308. Albums reduce to songs

November 13, 2009

KURT: I haf found an interesting artifact of using Mega-Tune.
JOEL: OK.

KURT: Many albums, reduced to one note per song, seem to form new songs with the notes. For example...

MEGA-TUNE: You. Are. My. Sunshine. My. Only. Sunshine. You. Make. Me. Happy. When. Skies. Are. Gray.

JOEL: Whoa, what album is that?
KURT: "The Best of the Velvet Underground".

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#309. Abbey Road Mega-Tuned

November 16, 2009

KURT: Vhen de Mega-Tune simplifies albums to one note and word per song, it often reveals bizarre patterns.

KURT: Fur example, dis is all of ABBEY ROAD, back to back...

MEGA-TUNE: Come. My. Lady. You're. My. Pretty. Baby. I'll. Make. Your. Legs. Shake. You. Make. Me. Go. Crazy.

JOEL: That's... that's Crazy Town.
KURT: Ja. Ja, it IS crazytown.

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#310. Blink-182 Mega-Tuned

November 17, 2009

JOEL: Does every album devolve into a song when you Mega-Tune it?
KURT: No, but dey all reveal sometink about the artist. Fur example...

MEGA-TUNE: Nasal. Nasal. Nasal. Nasal. Nasal. Nasal. Nasal. Nasal. Nasal. Nasal. Nasal. Nasal. Nasal. Nasal. Nasal. Nasal.

KURT: Dat's Mega-Tunes of the entire BLINK-182 catalog.

JOEL: Well... they're very... CONSISTENT.
KURT: Ja, und I STOPPED it... I mean, it goes on like dat fur HOURS.

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#311. Malady hears about Mega-Tune

November 18, 2009

GORDON: Kevin! I have some really bad, really WEIRD, news!
KEVIN: Not now, Gordon. I'm playing Brutal Legend with Jason Mraz.

GORDON: The label developed this process called Mega-Tune. It bastardizes our songs to these commercially-acceptable one-note versions!
KEVIN: OK...

GORDON: Kevin! Our songs... our life's work.... they're homogenizing it. They're massacring it!!!
KEVIN: Let's not overreact, OK? I'm sure the label has its reasons.

GORDON: On a side note, due to this process, we'll be losing a tiny amount of royalty money.
KEVIN: We must STOP this, Gordon! We WILL stop this! Though the heavens fall!

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