Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Joel the naive A&R guy

60 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 36 #39. Contract fine print

September 13, 2005

JANOS: Wait, Joel, this contract says we have to change the name of the band.
JOEL: Yes, but you get to choose the name from the list on pg. 13, I fought for that....

DUSTIN: And we lose all rights to all our songs and recordings!
JOEL: You're better off. Believe me. Free from the shackles of "rights"!

JANOS: Wait, we get zero royalties?!
JOEL: Well... yes, but you're missing the big picture....

RAVI: It says I have to: "Stop being Indian."
JOEL: Yes, the label is giving Ravi the opportunity to explore other cultures....

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Popularity rank 37 #38. Album leakage

September 6, 2005

BART: The album leaked!? Who leaked it!? Sue 'em, Joel! Squeeze 'em 'til it hurts!
JOEL: Once the files are out there, sir, it's nearly impossible to tell who leaked them.

BART: Then who's downloading it? Sue them! Drain the bastards dry!!
JOEL: Eh, with these newer P2P file sharing networks... that's pretty hard to track.

BART: Well, God damn it, Joel....

BART: Can we just sue the Internet in general then?
JOEL: Legal's looking into it, sir....

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Popularity rank 38 #37. Notes from the label

August 30, 2005

BART: This new Jumpstart Malady single, Joel, I hate it. HATE IT. Sounds too... too SPLUMPFY.
JOEL: Oh... OK, I... I, uh, what... what does that... MEAN?

BART: I don't know what it means, Joel, because it's a word I just made up, but I'll be damned if this label puts out music with that level of splumpf on it!! So fix it!!

JOEL: I... (sigh) yeah, yes, sure. It's... it's fixed.
BART: Good.

JOEL: A-and that's... "s-p-l-..."?
BART: I don't know how to spell it, Joel!!!

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Popularity rank 39 #24. Tell me what I want to hear

May 24, 2005

JOEL: The song is fresh; it's hip. But it still has those great Malady hooks.
BART: You know what I want to hear, Joel. Tell me.

JOEL: And Kevin's lyrics are really solid. He's coming from a real emotional place now. People will feel this one.
BART: Joel... come on, Joel. Tell me what I want to hear.

JOEL: (sigh) And yes, there will be titties in the video....
BART: JACKPOT!

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Popularity rank 40 #316. How’d you do it?

November 27, 2009

JOEL: SO his albums, Mega-Tuned to one note per track, recreate his biggest hit song. ...SO WHAT?
BART: SO he still retains copyright on the Mega-Tune version.

KEVIN: So YOU still owe me my royalties.
BART: Meaning Mega-Tune... is USELESS. Jumpstart Malady songs were the only way we'd've made any real money.

BART: How'd you DO it, Kevin? How'd you make music so sonically BORING that it simplifies recursively into itself? How'd you write pop songs that PERFECTLY?

KEVIN: By ACCIDENT!!!
BART: Inadvertently brilliant... Yes, that IS your M.O.

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The two Bassist Wanted paperbacks, All Local Bands Suck (Except Ours) and Jingles Are the New Punk

Bassist Wanted, in print

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All Local Bands Suck (Except Ours) and Jingles Are the New Punk, with their PDFs. $25 for both, shipped by me.

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