Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Joel the naive A&R guy

60 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 36 #24. Tell me what I want to hear

May 24, 2005

JOEL: The song is fresh; it's hip. But it still has those great Malady hooks.
BART: You know what I want to hear, Joel. Tell me.

JOEL: And Kevin's lyrics are really solid. He's coming from a real emotional place now. People will feel this one.
BART: Joel... come on, Joel. Tell me what I want to hear.

JOEL: (sigh) And yes, there will be titties in the video....
BART: JACKPOT!

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Popularity rank 37 #367. Lost the master

April 21, 2010

JAMES: The douchebag at Kinko's lost our master, Joel! Can you help us record it again?

JOEL: Well, my boss caught on to what we were doing, so... NO. I can't even UNOFFICIALLY represent you anymore.
JAMES: So... THAT'S IT?

JAMES: So we did ALL that work, NOTHING came of it, and now you're ABANDONING us?
JOEL: Well, YES.

JOEL: So you really did get a taste of what it's like to be signed to a label.

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Popularity rank 38 #316. How’d you do it?

November 27, 2009

JOEL: SO his albums, Mega-Tuned to one note per track, recreate his biggest hit song. ...SO WHAT?
BART: SO he still retains copyright on the Mega-Tune version.

KEVIN: So YOU still owe me my royalties.
BART: Meaning Mega-Tune... is USELESS. Jumpstart Malady songs were the only way we'd've made any real money.

BART: How'd you DO it, Kevin? How'd you make music so sonically BORING that it simplifies recursively into itself? How'd you write pop songs that PERFECTLY?

KEVIN: By ACCIDENT!!!
BART: Inadvertently brilliant... Yes, that IS your M.O.

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Popularity rank 39 #313. The Holy Grail

November 20, 2009

KURT: GRAPEFRUIT! PHOSPHORESCENCE! CARDIGAN! There. I just wrote three new one-note songs.
BART: This is the life, eh Joel?

BART: We've found the HOLY GRAIL...

BART: We figured out how the music industry can make MONEY again...

BART: All we had to do was remove the MUSICIANS.

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Popularity rank 40 #312. Writing new one-note songs

November 19, 2009

MEGA-TUNE: Motherlover.
KURT: Und dat's the Mega-Tune version of "Ave Maria".

BART: The great thing about Mega-Tune is once consumers are trained to like it, we can stop using existing stuff and just create new one-note songs.

BART: Kurt, sing him the gem you wrote this morning.
KURT: OATMEAL!

KURT: I mean, you know, I'm still playing vit it.
JOEL: Haunting.
BART: Ooo. I like that. Did you just write that, Joel?

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All Local Bands Suck (Except Ours), the first Bassist Wanted book, open on an iPad

The first book, as a PDF

All Local Bands Suck (Except Ours)

The first 150 strips: MySpace pages, going on tour, and that James Blunt song. Up for Best Book at the 2009 ECNY Awards. $10.

The Roonie the Rabbit cast in a row

Also by Porter Mason

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