Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Joel the naive A&R guy

60 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 51 #293. Extraneous noise

October 19, 2009

KURT: Ve find dat much of a song is extraneous... NOISE, ja? So ve say, "Vhy not shtrip de song of all but de ESSENTIAL bits und pieces?"

KURT: So ve shtrip it down to VON note.
JOEL: ONE note?
BART: ONE note.

KURT: Ja...

KURT: Usually, it's a "C".
JOEL: Dear GOD.
BART: He's gonna save us BILLIONS.

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Popularity rank 52 #292. Each day in the industry

October 16, 2009

BART: Joel, each day you work in the music industry, a piece of your soul DIES. It hurts a lot at first, but as time passes, you feel it less and less.

BART: And in a certain amount of time, your soul will diminish to trace amounts and stop being an obstacle to your work.

BART: I call it your "INDUSTRY HALF-LIFE".

JOEL: Are you saying my soul is like... radioactive WASTE, sir?
BART: It's not UNlike it, Joel.

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Popularity rank 53 #291. Auto-Tune everything

October 15, 2009

KURT: People LOF Auto-Tune, ja? Dey Auto-Tune T-PAIN... dey Auto-Tune de NEWS... dey Auto-Tune EFERYTINK...

KURT: So I began Auto-Tuning AUTO-TUNE. Den I Auto-Tune Auto-Tuned AUTO-TUNES. I vant to make songs SIMPLER, more PURE, more PERFECT.

JOEL: You want to make songs LIFELESS and COLD and- and UNFEELING!
KURT: JA! EXACTLY!

KURT: VOW, OK... so glad ve see eye-to-EYE on dis...
JOEL: A piece of my soul just died, sir.
BART: Yeah. That'll happen.

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Popularity rank 54 #290. Working on Auto-Tune

October 14, 2009

BART: Kurt and his engineers have been working on Auto-Tune.
KURT: I hate Auto-Tune.
JOEL: Me too!

KURT: Auto-Tune DESTROYS music...
BART: Yes.
JOEL: Yes!

KURT: It allows for TOO MUCH VARIABILITY!
BART: Yes!
JOEL: Wait-

KURT: My goal is to make music more homogeneous than Auto-Tune ever could!
BART: YES!!
JOEL: Damn it...

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Popularity rank 55 #75. Clone Project is a Success

November 17, 2005

DR. MERRILL: Now, sadly, none of the cloned bands have actually become good musicians.
JOEL: So, the project is a failure.

DR. MERRILL: Oh no! It's actually a success. We're friends with the band clones! We've proven that Ph.D.'s and rock stars aren't genetically predisposed to dislike one another.

JOEL: That was your hypothesis?
DR. CARY: Yes, we've submitted out findings to several bands along with invitations to hang out. No one's replied.

DR. MERRILL: Well, Mark McGrath said he'd get a beer with us.
DR. CARY: Yeah. We never sent him anything though.
JOEL: Look, I, uh... I better go.

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The two Bassist Wanted paperbacks, All Local Bands Suck (Except Ours) and Jingles Are the New Punk

Bassist Wanted, in print

300 Comics, Two Books

All Local Bands Suck (Except Ours) and Jingles Are the New Punk, with their PDFs. $25 for both, shipped by me.

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