Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

The Cloud (a contextual boyfriend)

14 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 6 #248. Catsitting web history

August 16, 2009

BRETT: So now that you're dating her, has she... told you stuff about me?
THE CLOUD: No. But I have access to her Web history while you were catsitting for her.

THE CLOUD: It paints an odd picture. You spent all your time at two sites: McSweeneys.com and "Big Tits At School".

BRETT: HEY... I went to that second one IRONICALLY.

BRETT: At FIRST...
THE CLOUD: Interestingly, you alt-tabbed between the two a LOT...

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Popularity rank 7 #247. Post-breakup Facebook strategy

August 15, 2009

BRETT: So she's "hidden" me. But I'll still see her and all her friends in my feed.
THE CLOUD: Well, I can unfriend them.

BRETT: NO! I don't want her to think I'm GIVING UP on her!
THE CLOUD: Of course, then I can just HIDE them.

BRETT: Well, but I want to keep tabs on them... though not her GUY friends.
THE CLOUD: I... suppose I could create a LIST that-

BRETT: While you're at it, hide her stupid KICKBALL TEAM pictures!
THE CLOUD: OK, um... now do you have Greasemonkey installed?

1 view Like

Popularity rank 8 #245. The Cloud’s favorite band

August 13, 2009

BRETT: Does your "cloud boyfriend" like music?
THE CLOUD: 65.3% of males matching Smita's most desired demographic list "Moby Grape" as a favorite band.

THE CLOUD: So Moby Grape is MY favorite band.
BRETT: Ugh... Can't you see how PHONY that is?

BRETT: He just morphs to whatever you want!
SMITA: Yes. He is... a SYCOPHANT.

SMITA: But he's very transparent about the process...
THE CLOUD: My ass-kissing is completely open source.

1 view Like

Popularity rank 9 #242. Optimized date schedule

July 30, 2009

BRETT: What're you and "THE CLOUD" doing tonight?
THE CLOUD: 6:04 - We will eat gnocchi and listen to ELO. 6:51 - I'll console her about a conflict at work.

THE CLOUD: 7:02 - I'll brush the hair from her face... and smile. 7:37 - We'll begin FOREPLAY.
SMITA: I thought we were watching FIREFLY tonight.

THE CLOUD: Yes, welll... the intercourse I have planned will be very... WHEDONESQUE.

BRETT: So you'll have witty dirty talk, sing when you orgasm and overanalyze it all later on Internet forums?
SMITA: OOO!! No spoilers!

1 view Like

Popularity rank 10 #241. Contextual boyfriend

July 29, 2009

SMITA: THE CLOUD is a manifestation of all my Internet purchases, searches, Tweets and emails. He's a CONTEXTUAL BOYFRIEND. He's what I want before I want it.

THE CLOUD: I'm constantly absorbing information and refining my personality to better suit Smita. Right, honeybun?
SMITA: "Honeybun"? Blech... BURY!

THE CLOUD: PLEASE WAIT... 68%... Interpreting data... Processing results... Reticulating splines...

THE CLOUD: Right, SWEETIE PIE?
SMITA: Aw, I AM your sweetie pie!! LIKE! LIKE!
BRETT: "Reticulating splines"?

1 view Like

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The two Bassist Wanted paperbacks, All Local Bands Suck (Except Ours) and Jingles Are the New Punk

Bassist Wanted, in print

300 Comics, Two Books

All Local Bands Suck (Except Ours) and Jingles Are the New Punk, with their PDFs. $25 for both, shipped by me.

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