Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Storyline

Escaping James Blunt

Brett has avoided James Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful” for a year, and flees to the ends of the earth, and beyond, to keep it that way.

14 stripsFrom the beginning Most popular

#147. No James Blunt in the deep sea

August 23, 2006

BRETT: And we're totally removed from all civilization?
MANCUSO: Son, we're 300m below. Nothin' down here but... the sounds of the sea.

(The sub's light finds a whale.)

BRETT: That whale is... is singing "You're Beautiful".
MANCUSO: No, son... he's singing the mating call of the Southern Right Whale.

BRETT: Permissions to harpoon the bastard, sir.
MANCUSO: This is a scientific vessel, son. Only things we shoot are grant auditors.

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#149. No James Blunt in the afterlife

August 28, 2006

BRETT: Oh my God. I'm...
NYMPHS: Yes, Brett. You're dead.
NYMPHS: You liked music when you were alive, yes?

BRETT: I did, yes.
NYMPHS: Well, we're your choir.
NYMPHS: We'll be serenading you for the rest of eternity.

NYMPHS: (singing) You're beautiful... you're--
BRETT: AUGH! Why am I hearing James Blunt in Heaven?!
NYMPHS: Who said anything about Heaven?

BRETT: AUGH!
NYMPHS: In Heaven, we'd be naked. Here, we'll be tantalizingly close to naked and always just out of reach.
NYMPHS: Like the women in Maxim.

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#150. James Blunt near death recovery

August 30, 2006

BRETT: Greg! My God! I'm alive! Greg, man, I... I've been to hell and back, man...
GREG: Wow, like Meatloaf.

BRETT: There were these scantily clad nymphs... they were singing "You're Beautiful" to me over and over for all eternity.
GREG: So you finally heard it.

BRETT: I did.
GREG: What'd you think?

BRETT: You know, it was... harmless, hooky pop.
GREG: Hey, so... are we talking wood nymphs or water nymphs?

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#151. Meeting James Blunt in the elevator

September 1, 2006

BRETT: Hey... hey, you're James Blunt. You write harmless, hooky pop songs, including the annoyingly ubiquitous "You're Beautiful".
JAMES BLUNT: Yeah.

SOUND EFFECT: Huge cathartic PUNCH!

BRETT: How about THAT for a hook?! Huh? You flaccid whiny little banshee... how... ABOUT... THAT?!

BRETT: NOW... what floor d'you want?
JAMES BLUNT: Fi-- (cough) Five, please.

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All Local Bands Suck (Except Ours), the first Bassist Wanted book, open on an iPad

The first book, as a PDF

All Local Bands Suck (Except Ours)

The first 150 strips: MySpace pages, going on tour, and that James Blunt song. Up for Best Book at the 2009 ECNY Awards. $10.

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Also by Porter Mason

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