Bassist Wanted

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Bassist Wanted

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#346. Planning Ayok’s signing

February 12, 2010

JOEL: Your client is getting a recording contract with us. I guess we're supposed to have the press take photos of the signing tonight.

AYOK: Pmgs sffj.
JOEL: Should we do it onstage? Right when he finishes his set?
TONY KING: He's not doing a set. He can't sing or play music.

JOEL: Well. That'll make recording interesting.
TONY KING: Pput a sticker on the CD that says "Some Guy from Twilight". We'll be OK.

AYOK: Akmdf! AOKOKGIIFNFNSR!!!
JOEL: He... seems to be having some sort of SEIZURE.
TONY KING: He's fine. He just needs another vodka and Ambien.

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#345. Meeting Twilight guy

February 8, 2010

JOEL: Hi, are you "Ayok"? I'm from Hancock Records. I'm here to sign you.
AYOK: Grnlk brzlm.
TONY KING: I'm Ayok's agent. He says "cool."

JOEL: Is he... is he OK?
AYOK: Shkbrs wprprd.
TONY KING: Look, the kid's in TWILIGHT. He's a fucking shirtless GOLDMINE. Don't rock the boat, OK?

HANDJOB GIRL: Excuse me... can- can I please give him another handjob?
AYOK: Aoosdk sdwr.
TONY KING: Make it quick.

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#344. Know where he is?

February 1, 2010

JOEL: I'm an A&R rep with Hancock. I'm here for a publicity thing with one of the shirtless Twilight kids. His name is... It's "Ayok" I think.

JOEL: Do you know where he is?
CLUB MANAGER: Wwe get the Twilight guys in here a lot. They're easy to spot.

CLUB MANAGER: Any guy you see who's constantly getting a handjob, he's in Twilight.
JOEL: Oh my. So... one of those three over there then.

JOEL: What about the kid getting the blowjob?
CLUB MANAGER: He's peripherally related to the Jonas Brothers.

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#343. Choosing

January 29, 2010

KEVIN: OOO... I like HER...
CECE: SHUKRI. One of our most BEAUTIFUL orphans. She's from CHAD. 20 years old. VERY comfortable with her body.

KEVIN: LET'S DO IT! Now, just to be clear, I'm LEGALLY adopting her, right?
CECE: That's right.

KEVIN: So... this is NOT human slavery.
CECE: For tax purposes... no.

KEVIN: And what about consensual sex with an adult, adopted kid?
CECE: The state of California says: FULL STEAM AHEAD! Sign here, sir...

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#342. At the adoption agency

January 27, 2010

CECE: Mr. Edo, I'm afraid you can't adopt the girl you saw in the background of our commercial. Her parents are ALIVE.
KEVIN: That's too bad.

CECE: But we have plenty of other kids who need homes.
KEVIN: OK, but... How can I say this DELICATELY... are any of the other kids, like... HOT 19-year-old GIRLS?

CECE: Mr. Edo. This charity's focus is to find celebrity homes for underprivileged orphans!

CECE: So... yes, of COURSE. Here's a book of our SEXIEST kids...
KEVIN: WOW. It's like Sports Illustrated Emaciated Edition...

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