Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Bassist Wanted

Comics for musicians

Joel the naive A&R guy

60 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 6 #347. Signing specific talent

February 15, 2010

JOEL: Hey, I'm in A&R at Hancock Records. Just caught your set. You guys are GREAT.
JAMES: THANKS! Heh, wanna sign us?

JOEL: HA! I WISH.
JAMES: Well... you ARE in A&R... you COULD sign us, right?

JOEL: It doesn't work like that anymore. I get ordered to sign specific talent that "synergizes our larger corporate goals".
JAMES: LAME.

JOEL: So then who're you here to sign?
JAMES: The gentlemen out there having public sex on the Honda.

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Popularity rank 7 #344. Know where he is?

February 1, 2010

JOEL: I'm an A&R rep with Hancock. I'm here for a publicity thing with one of the shirtless Twilight kids. His name is... It's "Ayok" I think.

JOEL: Do you know where he is?
CLUB MANAGER: Wwe get the Twilight guys in here a lot. They're easy to spot.

CLUB MANAGER: Any guy you see who's constantly getting a handjob, he's in Twilight.
JOEL: Oh my. So... one of those three over there then.

JOEL: What about the kid getting the blowjob?
CLUB MANAGER: He's peripherally related to the Jonas Brothers.

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Popularity rank 8 #360. DIY it

April 5, 2010

JOEL: OK! You've got your recordings! I say you DIY it, put out the EP yourself.
JAMES: Can't we get the label to help do it?

JOEL: No, I didn't officially sign you. I can't offer the support of the label.
JAMES: If you WERE officially representing us, what support would the label offer?

JOEL: Oh, we'd second-guess every creative decision you'd make. Then we'd probably sow discontent amongst the band, pit you against one another.

JAMES: We can DIY that part, too, I guess.
JOEL: We also promise promotion and then don't deliver, which is a nice feature...

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Popularity rank 9 #207. Human slavery

February 10, 2009

BART: Joel, can we... sell all our musicians into human slavery?
JOEL: Legally? Yes.

JOEL: They're under very, VERY exploitative contracts.

JOEL: But, ah, morally speaking, we probably... shouldn't.
BART: Yes, I suppose that's right.

BART: What if it's just the trance artists?

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Popularity rank 10 #68. Cloning is not instantaneous

November 8, 2005

DR. CARY: Hancock Records wants GeniTECH to do what exactly?
JOEL: Well, my boss, he... this'll sound silly, he wants to make clones of current popular bands.

DR. CARY: Ha ha, well, Mr. Dever, I appreciate your boss's ambition, but human cloning is a new science, and for starters, it's not instantaneous.

DR. CARY: Even if I were to make a clone today, it wouldn't be a mature adult for 18 years. We simply don't have the capability to do what you're describing.

JOEL: Of course, sorry to waste your time, I--
DR. CARY: What we do have are fully grown clones of every popular band from 1983 to 1985. Come, I'll show you....

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The two Bassist Wanted paperbacks, All Local Bands Suck (Except Ours) and Jingles Are the New Punk

Bassist Wanted, in print

300 Comics, Two Books

All Local Bands Suck (Except Ours) and Jingles Are the New Punk, with their PDFs. $25 for both, shipped by me.

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