Comics and posts about touring | Page 2 | Bassist Wanted

Peter won’t play Boston

AGENT: So then you guys'll play Boston.
PETER WELD: No! We DON'T play Boston!
KEVIN EDO: Last tour, we ate Thai food in Boston.
GORDON CRANWICK: Peter ordered Pad Kee Mao.

PETER WELD: I asked for it MILD!
KEVIN EDO: They made it too spicy.
AGENT: Why didn't you just send it back?
GORDON CRANWICK: Peter doesn't send back food.

KEVIN EDO: So Jumpstart Malady won't play Boston.
GORDON CRANWICK: So Peter won't play Boston.
AGENT: OK... OK, well, no Boston.

AGENT: So next is New Haven....
PETER WELD: HA! No WAY I play New Haven!
KEVIN EDO: Last tour, we went bowling in New Haven.
GORDON CRANWICK: Peter rolled an 8-10 split.

Peter

KEVIN EDO: You were out of control last tour, man. Using every night... high every show....
GORDON CRANWICK: We don't want that to happen again.

KEVIN EDO: Look, we care a lot about you. You're an important part of our lives. We don't want to lose you.
GORDON CRANWICK: But Peter, the reality is...

GORDON CRANWICK: If you don't stop hogging all the heroin, you're out of the band.

PETER WELD: Wow.
KEVIN EDO: I know that's a tough thing to hear, man.
GORDON CRANWICK: Also, those fun size Twix on the bus are COMMUNAL, Peter.

Practicing for the tour

AGENT: OK, tour starts Friday. Now, you all won't actually be playing your instruments. We'll be piping in the music.

AGENT: But your hands need to look like they're moving along with the recordings.
KEVIN EDO: What, like those mechanical bears at Chuck E. Cheese?

AGENT: If that helps you, sure.
GORDON CRANWICK: Jesus, we don't need to rehearse that, Anth. We know--
PETER WELD: C'mon! Let's just go! One! Two! Thr--

PETER WELD: Wait, hold on.... Dropped my sticks....
GORDON CRANWICK: I stand corrected.
AGENT: Maybe we'll just project video of you guys playing.

Kevin tells Gordon about tour

GORDON CRANWICK: What? On TOUR? What-- where do you come off, Kevin? Fuck you. You treat me and Peter like SHIT. We have ZERO artistic control anymore.

GORDON CRANWICK: Not until we become a BAND again, and not some Kevin Edo promotional machine, will I even CONSIDER standing on stage with you, you fucking... FUCKHOLE!!

SOUND EFFECT: SLAM!

GORDON CRANWICK: OK.... That felt good. So, first date's in Chicago?
KEVIN EDO: Yeah, on Friday.

Kevin tells Peter about tour

KEVIN EDO: Jumpstart Malady's going on tour, Peter. We'll be doing a live album.
PETER WELD: A LIVE album? We're not talented live musicians, Kevin.

KEVIN EDO: Well... you're certainly not.
PETER WELD: Yeah, and I'm IN this band!

KEVIN EDO: Look, first date's on Friday.... I gotta go tell Gordon....
PETER WELD: What--... KEVIN! We better be making some bank off of this, Kevin!!

PETER WELD: I don't get on that bus unless we charge $150 per ticket, Kevin! You hear me? Where's my-- HONEY!! Honey, where's my drum lesson books?

Kevin leaves for tour

STEPHANIE: You're going on TOUR? When'll my Kev-y Bear be back in Miami?
KEVIN EDO: Well, I'll make sure it's soon-y soon-kins, won't I?

KEVIN EDO: Gotta make some phone calls now, OK? Why don't you go see if Carmen's got lunch ready?
STEPHANIE: My busy Bear... OK...

KEVIN EDO: Hey... I need you to set up a national tour. Like... starting yesterday.

STEPHANIE: I miss my Baby Boo Boo Bear already!
KEVIN EDO: And no dates anywhere NEAR Florida, all right?