Comics and posts about executives | Page 2 | Bassist Wanted

Each day in the industry

BART: Joel, each day you work in the music industry, a piece of your soul DIES. It hurts a lot at first, but as time passes, you feel it less and less.

BART: And in a certain amount of time, your soul will diminish to trace amounts and stop being an obstacle to your work.

BART: I call it your "INDUSTRY HALF-LIFE".

JOEL: Are you saying my soul is like... radioactive WASTE, sir?
BART: It's not UNlike it, Joel.

Auto-Tune everything

KURT: People LOF Auto-Tune, ja? Dey Auto-Tune T-PAIN... dey Auto-Tune de NEWS... dey Auto-Tune EFERYTINK...

KURT: So I began Auto-Tuning AUTO-TUNE. Den I Auto-Tune Auto-Tuned AUTO-TUNES. I vant to make songs SIMPLER, more PURE, more PERFECT.

JOEL: You want to make songs LIFELESS and COLD and- and UNFEELING!
KURT: JA! EXACTLY!

KURT: VOW, OK... so glad ve see eye-to-EYE on dis...
JOEL: A piece of my soul just died, sir.
BART: Yeah. That'll happen.

Working on Auto-Tune

BART: Kurt and his engineers have been working on Auto-Tune.
KURT: I hate Auto-Tune.
JOEL: Me too!

KURT: Auto-Tune DESTROYS music...
BART: Yes.
JOEL: Yes!

KURT: It allows for TOO MUCH VARIABILITY!
BART: Yes!
JOEL: Wait-

KURT: My goal is to make music more homogeneous than Auto-Tune ever could!
BART: YES!!
JOEL: Damn it...

Kurt’s office

KURT: Velcome to simplified office. Metal bar to sit, glass computer suspendink in air. Nothing else needed. Guests sit on bar with me, here.
JOEL: OK.

KURT: This is awkward. Guest policy not well thought-out.
JOEL: Yes, maybe not.

A pause.

KURT: I don't get many guests.
JOEL: Oh no?

Less is more

BART: Meet Kurt von Einfache, one of our engineering geniuses. He's big into MINIMALISM.
JOEL: Like... "less is more"?

KURT: Ja. "LESS."
BART: See? He's a MASTER. He said what you said. But in fewer words.

JOEL: That why you wear the one-piece jumpsuit? Fewer pieces of clothing?

KURT: Oh, no no, dis just a great look...
BART: It IS very form-fitting...

Notes from the label

BART: I don't know what it means, Joel, because it's a word I just made up, but I'll be damned if this label puts out music with that level of splumpf on it!! So fix it!!

JOEL: I... (sigh) yeah, yes, sure. It's... it's fixed.
BART: Good.

JOEL: A-and that's... "s-p-l-..."?
BART: I don't know how to spell it, Joel!!!

Tell me what I want to hear

JOEL: The song is fresh; it's hip. But it still has those great Malady hooks.
BART: You know what I want to hear, Joel. Tell me.

JOEL: And Kevin's lyrics are really solid. He's coming from a real emotional place now. People will feel this one.
BART: Joel... come on, Joel. Tell me what I want to hear.

JOEL: (sigh) And yes, there will be titties in the video....
BART: JACKPOT!